continuing from part 2 of my thesis: what it's all about...
i love words. words are wonderful. but they're dangerous. for lots of reasons.
here's one of my favourite quotes ever:
“
I know that you believe you understand
what you think I said,
but I'm not sure you realize
that what you heard
is not what I meant
” [Robert McCloskey]
regrettably, i'm fairly confident that whatever i do, i will fail to explain my thoughts sufficiently to bridge the gulf of mis-communication that divides us all. hopefully it won't all be nonsense though!
either way, what follows is my current best attempt...
i believe that our IDENTITY is shaped in early life by those closest to us, who tell us who they believe we are and what they believe we should believe, but as we grow, our IDENTITY is uniquely directed by the personality with which we were born.
our IDENTITY is not the "me" that we project to the rest of the world. it is the real "me" behind the mask. it's the painfully honest "me" that is often locked away to hide our deep secrets. it is what we really believe about ourselves in context in the world. it's the inner "me" that drives all our actions, however subconsciously.
no one else gets to directly touch this deep IDENTITY. the outside world can only perceive it by the shape of our COMMUNICATIONS, whether words, silence, action...
COMMUNICATION is therefore the fabric of RELATIONSHIP.
without COMMUNICATION there can be no RELATIONSHIP, whether with people, or with any other aspect of our physical existence in the outside world that our bodies inhabit.
in the thesis, RELATIONSHIP is not about relationships as things, like the number of friends on facebook. it means the doing of relationship: our being in relationship.
even to look at a starry sky and experience wonder is about RELATIONSHIP: our relationship to the stars. it's about the incoming COMMUNICATION of light from them over there to me over here. and about how that experience, perceived through my PERSPECTIVE filter, impacts my IDENTITY: the inner "me".
it's easy to see that any kind of LOVE requires a RELATIONSHIP. (even one-way LOVE requires a one-way RELATIONSHIP.) But what I’m suggesting is that the very purpose of RELATIONSHIP is LOVE, and therefore RELATIONSHIP without LOVE is missing the point!
i appreciate that a statement like this is almost worthless without a description of LOVE but i thought i'd throw it out there nonetheless whilst i work on articulating myself on the subject in due course...
more on this in future posts, but in a nutshell, i'm writing it because i hope that some of the things i'm pondering/discovering on my own journey may be helpful to other people on theirs, just as i know that i've been helped by people sharing their thoughts with me. it's all about COMMUNICATION after all, in pursuit of LOVE and the freedom that comes with it!
the wonder of words
last time, i said i'd explain in a bit more detail about my choice of words for each of the layers in the diagram, so here it that bit more detail (hence it's a bit longer that the last two - sorry). but first, a disclaimer about the potential nonsense of words... |
| the cat in the hat: no nonsense! |
here's one of my favourite quotes ever:
“
I know that you believe you understand
what you think I said,
but I'm not sure you realize
that what you heard
is not what I meant
” [Robert McCloskey]
regrettably, i'm fairly confident that whatever i do, i will fail to explain my thoughts sufficiently to bridge the gulf of mis-communication that divides us all. hopefully it won't all be nonsense though!
either way, what follows is my current best attempt...
the thesis
by way of a reminder, here's what i think it's all about:- ultimately it's all about love because that is what we all need.
- and it's all about relationship because the only way to find love is in relationship.
- and relationships are built on communication so it's all about communication.
- and all our communications are influenced by our perspective so it's clearly all about perspective.
- and because our perspective is developed by our inner sense of identity, it is in fact all about our identity!
identity
in the context of the thesis, i'm using IDENTITY to refer to the very core of who i am when there's just me, alone, without any sensory interaction.
i believe that our IDENTITY is shaped in early life by those closest to us, who tell us who they believe we are and what they believe we should believe, but as we grow, our IDENTITY is uniquely directed by the personality with which we were born.our IDENTITY is not the "me" that we project to the rest of the world. it is the real "me" behind the mask. it's the painfully honest "me" that is often locked away to hide our deep secrets. it is what we really believe about ourselves in context in the world. it's the inner "me" that drives all our actions, however subconsciously.
no one else gets to directly touch this deep IDENTITY. the outside world can only perceive it by the shape of our COMMUNICATIONS, whether words, silence, action...
perspective
as far as my use of the word PERSPECTIVE goes, we cannot sense anything without it. it's the filter that every one of us uses, through which everything is perceived: whether by sight, sound, emotion, intuition... it is our unique view of the world.
through the existing filter of our current PERSPECTIVE, we assimilate each experience in the inner engine room of our IDENTITY, in order to develop (or maintain) our on-going PERSPECTIVE. everything coming in and going out passes through the PERSPECTIVE filter.
hence, incoming COMMUNICATIONS will be translated by our PERSPECTIVE filter before reaching our inner sense of IDENTITY; and outgoing COMMUNICATIONS (even when originating from our core IDENTITY) may not make it out without first being tailored by our PERSPECTIVE filter.
E.g. if our IDENTITY incorporates a sense of low self-worth ("i'm useless and no one really likes me"), when someone pays us a compliment ("you're looking lovely today"), our PERSPECTIVE filter may translate the compliment into a statement of pity ("you look miserable but i thought i should think of something nice to say despite not really liking your choice of clothes"). Or alternatively, if we're feeling really low, but we have a belief that it's important to be positive at all times no matter what, then on the inside we may be feeling dreadful, but when asked, "how are you coping?", our PERSPECTIVE filter may translate our inner response, "dreadfully! please help me!", into something that lines up better with our PERSPECTIVE: "pretty good, all in all - thanks".
we cannot COMMUNICATE without the influence of our PERSPECTIVE.
 |
| Relativity by M C Escher |
E.g. if our IDENTITY incorporates a sense of low self-worth ("i'm useless and no one really likes me"), when someone pays us a compliment ("you're looking lovely today"), our PERSPECTIVE filter may translate the compliment into a statement of pity ("you look miserable but i thought i should think of something nice to say despite not really liking your choice of clothes"). Or alternatively, if we're feeling really low, but we have a belief that it's important to be positive at all times no matter what, then on the inside we may be feeling dreadful, but when asked, "how are you coping?", our PERSPECTIVE filter may translate our inner response, "dreadfully! please help me!", into something that lines up better with our PERSPECTIVE: "pretty good, all in all - thanks".
we cannot COMMUNICATE without the influence of our PERSPECTIVE.
communication
COMMUNICATION is how we interact with the rest of the world. whether sitting in silence drinking in the surroundings, in heated debate with a group of friends, or in any other state of interaction; when we exchange any form of information, alone or in company, we COMMUNICATE.
COMMUNICATION is therefore the fabric of RELATIONSHIP. without COMMUNICATION there can be no RELATIONSHIP, whether with people, or with any other aspect of our physical existence in the outside world that our bodies inhabit.
relationship
as soon as COMMUNICATION takes place, RELATIONSHIP has begun.in the thesis, RELATIONSHIP is not about relationships as things, like the number of friends on facebook. it means the doing of relationship: our being in relationship.
love
i don't have a suitable definition of LOVE for the thesis yet. and certainly nothing to cram into a couple of brief paragraphs. in ancient Greek, at least they had four words (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love), which helps a lot. in their terminology, i'm talking more about "true love" (agape) than the sensual (eros), loyal (philia), or affectionate (storge) kinds of love.
it's easy to see that any kind of LOVE requires a RELATIONSHIP. (even one-way LOVE requires a one-way RELATIONSHIP.) But what I’m suggesting is that the very purpose of RELATIONSHIP is LOVE, and therefore RELATIONSHIP without LOVE is missing the point!
i appreciate that a statement like this is almost worthless without a description of LOVE but i thought i'd throw it out there nonetheless whilst i work on articulating myself on the subject in due course...
why am i writing all this??
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